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It’s a known fact that boating magazines have been responsible for spreading strange afflictions to many unsuspecting NP’s (normal people) many of whom started out in their blighted lives innocently glancing through the pages of one of those aforementioned ‘Mags’ without realising the terrible dangers they were being exposed to.

These normal people (I was once one) are well known for their pitying sideways glances at the aqueously inclined subspecies known generally as ‘boaties, yachties’ and sometimes worse, ‘grotty yachties’.

Many of these NP’s frequent their local yacht clubs because the view over the water is wonderful, the chips are good and it’s possible to hobnob with people so rich that they don’t even own a boat. These elevated types are fawned and fondled over by the Commodore and are considered above questioning about such mundane exploits such as sailing, hoisting the yardarm and all that stuff. In fact, if a yachtie who could actually afford to keep his craft in such a place for a night or two, let alone the membership fees, dared to splash a dab of paint onto his “Lucky Lady IV” he’d run a real risk of being chucked out of the aforementioned establishment for lowering the tone of the joint.

However, I digress. It’s very difficult in many cases to pinpoint exactly which event causes the cerebral flash that causes many a sane man to crossover into the murky world of sawdust, sheds, spiling and tantric sawing and it’s said, in certain quarters, that it’s not at all like getting chickenpox or mumps because they actually go away after a bit. It is actually like getting religion, you know, the soul becomes permanently contaminated forever.

It’s a transformation, a ‘seeing of the light’ and the victim once hooked, is totally unaware that for evermore he will alienate the wife, mother-in-law and kids, ruin every stitch of clothing with epoxy and paint, wear the strangest of shoes, forget to mow the lawn and the oddest symptom of all, he will almost never again possess tidy hair or clean knees again.

The victim AI (after infection) will take to the shed, rifle the rent jar, convert the life savings into wood and begin to smell of paint, wood glue and acetone. Steadily growing piles of BM’s appear (boating mags) and the daily arrival of the postman will result in muffled chuckles of demented glee from the shed as he rips the wrapping off a new scarfing machine or a number 3 Stanley plane, now banned in many hardware shops (well, they must be, you can’t find one for love nor money these days).

It’s been statistically proven, in many cases wives and kids threaten to leave home and if they do, it’s a bad thing because the house becomes ‘workshop two’. Turps bottles replace milk cartons, the hallway becomes a parking lot ideally shaped for that unfinished catamaran hull, the fridge becomes a store for mixed–up epoxy glue which in turn, makes the bacon smell and taste of styrene, (which, of course in many cases, is a vast improvement).

Now the family dog begins advanced self-training and learns how to take itself for walkies, turns gradually feral and gnaws off cuts of cedar wood instead of bones.

The victim now tries frantically to save ready cash to make the bi-annual pilgrimage to the Holiest of holy Mecca’s, The Wooden Boat Show in Tasmania where he will mingle freely with other afflicted souls (well, at least the Government know where they all are at once, I suppose) Upon his return and surrounded by a holy glow, the shed will again echo to the whine of drill and the hypnotic drone of sander deep into the night. So deeply smitten, our man will by now no longer be able to know the difference between a few seconds and several hours, cups of tea will grow cold, old and mouldy and gradually be swallowed by the all invading sawdust.

The actual object of his attentions takes various forms. It may, to all intents and purposes, look like a perfectly ordinary kayak, a harmless skiff or a pleasant rowing boat but don’t be fooled for an instant. The Devil takes many forms and temptation is never far from the afflicted. You’d think, wouldn’t you, that once the fellow had purged these primeval urges, he would repent, hoover the house, delouse and retrain the dog, dispose of the empty stubbies and fall on his knees and beg the wife to return to a life of neat lawns and crisply ironed shirts.

But it is, I’m led to believe, a matter of record that once caught, this dreadful disease ruins the brain and is etched forever into the psyche that controls all human will and like smack cocaine, chocolate, rum and sex, once tasted, will never leave the victim in peace. Despite all promises to the contrary, he will return to his old habits and stroke timber planks and drool unknowingly over the freely available porn of boating magazines that lie in wait for yet more victims on the shelves of every newsagent in the land.

Footnote one:

It is a confirmed scientific fact that male persons are much more likely to become infected than the female gender, but in one well known documented case, a decent lady turned into a yachty, gathered other females about her, got a boat and damned well sailed right round the world.

Footnote two:

A well known publisher of such material who shall remain nameless but is known in the trade as “Pusher” (P.L.) when interviewed about his interests in these magazines, declined to comment except for one sentence only and I quote: “Whatever floats yer boat, mate!”

You can read more articles like these on http://www.ezine.com and on the author’s website http://www.dolphinboatplans.com

If you would like Terry to write an article for your magazine contact Terry on http://www.dolphinboatplans.com

BOAT SAFETY TIPS. SO YOU WANT TO BE A BOATY HERE ARE HANDY TIPS TO START YOU OF REMEMBER SAFE BOATING START WITH YOU

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Here are a few useful tips when shopping for boat insurance.

1. You should look for an insurance company that is responsive & always available. It is very critical that your company responds when you really need assistance. Help should always be close by when an accident happens, when you need claims or emergency service.

2. You should look for an insurance company with good customer service. It is advisable to choose a company with a large network of agencies, claim centers, and helpful employees that are ready to serve you whenever you need them. In such a case, you can be sure that you will be treated fairly and promptly.

3. Choose an insurance company that is financially stable. Ideally, one with a long history of service to boat owners. Companies with a rich history are generally more stable than new ones. A good way to check the financial stability of an insurance company is to do some research. Check out the financial ratings of A.M. Best and Standard & Poor’s for insurance companies.

4. Get boat insurance from a company with a good reputation and high standards.

5. Choose an insurance company with a wide variety of coverage options. This is very important because your needs as a boat owner are very unique. The company’s menu of products should accommodate a circle of protection for your needs both today and tomorrow.

6. Boat insurances come in different prices ranging from the affordable to the ridiculously expensive. It is important to understand the policy and service promises behind the price of the boat insurance It’s better to pay for an expensive but good quality boat insurance than a cheap one with limited features. It is not advisable to accept low protection just to get a lower price. Make sure that you get the protection you and your boat require.

7. Consider the type of boat you own before getting boat insurance. Do you own a motorboat, a personal watercraft (PWC), a boat without a motor (canoe, kayak or rowboat)? Consider also circumstances in which you plan to use the boat insurance.

8. Though boat insurance is designed to protect your boat, it is also advisable to take note of the other coverage options available. An important boat insurance option is the medical payment coverage which can offer medical protection for you and your passengers. You can never be so sure of your and your passengers’ safety when your out at sea.

9. Another option to consider is water liability coverage. There may be instances when you will accidentally injure a person while on the water, a passenger, a swimmer or a water skier perhaps. This is where water liability coverage comes in handy. This type of coverage also protects you if you collide with and damage another boat or if you hit a rock.

10. The most important option is the physical damage coverage. This coverage will come in very handy if you hit another boat, a submerged object or a dock and damaged your boat’s motor. The physical damage coverage usually has two components:

a. Emergency services protection. This type of coverage provides protection of up to $100. It covers towing and mechanical labor if ever your boat breaks down while you’re in the water. Also available is an extra emergency services as an optional coverage for an additional premium.

b. Physical damage protection for valuable boat equipment. This type of coverage protects your valuable boat equipments such as boat covers, docking fenders, portable gas tanks, life jackets, anchors and anchor lines, sonar equipment, water skis, cushions, and your boat engine, compass and gear. Also available is an extra boat protection at an added premium. There is also on the road protection for your boat, trailer and equipment. This also covers protection if ever your boat, motor or trailer is stolen.

An additional way to keep the cost of the boat insurance policy is to not grossly underestimate the worth of your both. Appraise the boat for what it’s worth. No more, no less. You can also get boat insurance policy if you take a boating lesson so better asks around.

Maybe you are an avid fisherman who spends endless summer days searching for that fish that will give you ultimate bragging rights, or want to spend summer afternoons slowly cruising with a group of friends on your pontoon, or possibly have a fascination for speed and water sports. Whatever your passion, there is a boat out there that is made specifically for your needs and desires. However it isn’t always easy to know exactly which boat you should choose. It is easy to be overwhelmed by the enormous variety of boat types and models. There are several different boat choices based on what they would be used for.

What will I use the boat for?

You should first decide what you anticipate using the boat for. There are boats for fishing, water sports, cruising, sailing, entertaining, or taking long trips. Some are designed for multiple purposes.

Once you know what you want to do with it, decide who you are going to be taking with you? You may not want a pontoon boat the fits 12 people if you are only going to be fishing with a buddy. You also don’t want to overload your boat because of safety.

Consider where you will be enjoying your boat; up and down the calm river, on a sheltered lake, or an open ocean with high waves and rough seas. If you will be taking trips you will want your boat to have a cabin.

Choosing the right engine for my boat:

Now consider the propulsion needed when deciding on an engine type. The horsepower and weight are very important factors in the performance of your boat. An engine that is not powerful enough will cause your boat to work harder than it should and lead to a great deal of maintenance and excess use of fuel. You need to consider the size and weight of your boat, including gear and passengers. There are six different propulsion types with varying factors to consider when choosing a system for your boat.

Outboard Motors (2 types)

Outboard motors are detachable and mounted on the stern of the boat, with horsepower ranging from 1HP to over 300HP. These engines can be used in all types of water. The 2 types of outboard motors are 2 stroke and 4 stroke.

2 Stroke: better acceleration, no need to change oil, better fuel efficiency, lower priced, weighs less, quieter

4 Stroke: lower emissions, excellent fuel economy, electronic ignition systems, good acceleration, oil added to engine not fuel

Diesel Inboard Engines

These engines range in size and horsepower, and rely on compression for power. They are designed for boats over 35ft because they produce torque and weigh more than gas engines.

No carbon monoxide in cabins or back, non-explosive fuel, low running cost, excellent torque, long life expectancy

Gas Inboard Engines

These engines are used for a variety of different sizes and types of boats, and range in horsepower from 90HP to 1000HP. It is located in the middle of the boat with the drive running through the bottom of the boat to the propeller. The rudder is separate for steering.

Simple drive system, quite, hidden, lower maintenance, low running costs

Jet Propulsion

These systems do not include a propeller, which make it safer for water sports. They are inboard engines that take in water which flows through a pump that is powered by an impeller. The high pressure caused by this, propels the boat forward. However, steering is only possible when power is being applied. Things can also be sucked into the water intake, and shouldn’t be used in shallow water.

Stern Drive

This is often called an Inboard/Outboard and consists of an engine and drive connected through the transom of the boat. The engine is inside and the propulsion is outside of the boat. This drive can be trimmed up or down. There are many different types of functions depending on what they will be used for. They can be used with one or two propellers, as well as two drives on one boat with one or two propellers.

Low maintenance, ease of control and steering, used on gas or diesel engines, quiet

Choose the right boat for your favorite activity:

There are different types of boats for a variety of activities and intended use. Below are examples of what boats are used for with lists of boat types best suited for that activity. You will find that there are several boats that are intended for more that one activity. For example, if you like fishing, water skiing, and plan to sleep on board; you can choose between a Stern Drive Cruiser and Cuddy Cabin.

Different types of boats

Fishing

Inboard Cruisers, Houseboats, Sedan Bridge, Sportsfishing Boats, Center Console, Fish and Ski, Flat Boats, Bass Boats, Fishing Boats, Jon Boat, Deck Boat, Multi-Hull Cruiser, Multi-Hull Power Boat, Closed Bow Runabouts, Walkaround, Bowriders, Cuddy Cabins,

Water Sports

Fishing Boats, Fish and Ski Boats, Bass Boats, Stern Drive Cruisers, Bowriders, Closed Bow Runabouts, Cuddy Cabins, Deck boats, Inboard Ski Boats, Inboard Wakeboard Boats, Jet Boats

Entertainment

Pontoon, Deck Boats, Motor Yachts, Inboard Cruiser

Cruising/Trips

Cuddy Cabins, Motor Yachts, Sedan Bridge, Inboard Cruiser, Sportfishing Boats, Stern Drive Cruisers, Trawlers, Cruising Sailboats, Multi-Hull Cruising Sailboats